My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
