i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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