Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
