He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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