shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
