waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Randomize
