That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
