i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
