I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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