I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
