I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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