Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
