it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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