Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
