Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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