Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
