VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
No...this little piggys going to the bar
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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