my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
