actually, I'm a sock model
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
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