apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
