I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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