So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Randomize
