Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
