I'm laying in your front yard are you home
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
