Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
