This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
