i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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