so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
