I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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