She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
please don't ironically join a cult
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