the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
