just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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