i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
