you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
