Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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