I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize