Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
