i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
