i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
