it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
