I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
this hospital has no fireball
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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