You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize