I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
