hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
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