I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize