I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
