Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
