My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
