i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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