if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
