Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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