He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
