Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Randomize
