The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
you had me at cake vodka
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
