My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
