So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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