It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
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