Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
