she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
