for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
