I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize