She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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