Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize