I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize