Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
