So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize