You're completely useless in the revolution.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I haven't been this sober since birth.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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