her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
