every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
