so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
