lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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