I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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