can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
two words: eviction party
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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