i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
