FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
