We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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