i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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