Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
then he tried to convert me to islam
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
