i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
