I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
